Last Monday he walked unassisted for the first time.
Every milestone is just so grand, honestly. I did not feel a “rush of love” after my emergency c-section. Going through this has truly really expanded the dimensions of my existence.
I used to feel such shame about this, especially considering that my child is healthy, happy and really chill. Some days I am just so exhausted that I am just hanging on until bedtime. It is really very challenging to transition from a “me” centered lifestyle to one that prioritizes the happiness, health and wellbeing of another. And because I did not find immediate joy in caretaking, that I was ill-suited to being a mother.
That I am just not up to the task of raising a tiny human. There are many times that I feel like I have made a huge mistake.
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